Dear Extrovert,

I love my extroverted friends! They are the life of our friendship, and the magnet that gives me courage. Their view, their confidence, it amazes me and strengthens me.

I remember one of my first extrovert friends, Lilly. She was always joking. She loved life and she always had me laughing. Sometimes she took it too far and then she'd tell me to lighten up. It'd sting a little as I worked through the emotion, because I thought it must be something wrong with my fundamentally. But the more time I spent with her, the more I did learn to laugh at myself.

My husband is an introvert, but an absolutely hilarious man. And the longer we are married and the more comfortable we are with one another, the more we have learned the power of humor. I've come to steadily rely on his ability to bring me out of my serious zone.

Three of my besties are extroverts. I only have a few best friends. Four, in fact. And my hubby is the only introvert of them all. All the girlies are extroverts, and I love them all for it. They are my go to gals. They give me courage to make jokes and not fear offending the other person. The lighten my serious side and give me courage to see things a different way that my rigid, strict rule following self. And they are the only people that, if invited, I not only drop everything on a dime to be with them, but want to!!

I have other friends that I absolutely love. They are amazing people and it's fun to hang out with them. But here in lies the lesson to be had: don't invite an introvert last minute! I need mental time to prepare for an upcoming event. And the bigger it is, the more I have to work through my social anxiety. I hate telling you no because I hate feeling like I've let you down or hurt your feelings. But the quickest way to throw me into panic mode (besides me realizing I didn't do something I said I'd do), is to not invite in advance! I love to invite, I love feeling loved/wanted/needed (hmmm.. That social acceptance is a post for another day).. But if you want my full self, and if you could see how it drains me afterwards, and how I have to hide and breathe and think and relive and then listen to the most soothing music for hours on end, you would know why I beg of you, my dear, life living/loving, outgoing, in the moment friend, I need a little more advance notice than 10 minutes. Or even an hour. Or even a day. At least give me two or three. And then make me feel welcome and comfortable when I show up and I'll love you forever!

It's Not You.... Really!

I become downright paralyzed at the thought of confrontation. And unfortunately, most things feel like confrontation! Not because there is any indication of it; it's just that I am scared to death of hurting your feelings. I've spent most of my life doing things with/for other people that I didn't want to do, or came at such an inconvenient time, but fearing rejection and confrontation, I did them anyway. (And don't get me wrong, most of the time it's things I do want to do!).

Now I know better; at least, I'm learning. Years of not knowing it was social anxiety I was dealing with, I would hide in my bedroom or the bathtub, desperate to escape and recharge. Only once in my life was it so severe that I had the constant contemplation of running away for a few weeks.

I've been blessed with a love of learning, and I will forever be grateful for all the knowledge I've been blessed to stumble upon in the last two years. It has been eye opening and sometimes painful. But also liberating! I feel that the window I always gazed out of has transformed into a door I can walk through.

And now I know it's not you.... It's me. I know I have to be honest, although I'm going to find the easiest way in the world to break it to you. Because I can't say no. But I have to. I need to. I can't do it all, and that doesn't make me less of a person either. It's not selfish to make sure my own cup is full before trying to fill another's. Because I can't share what I don't have.

So when the guilt sets in, don't let it set and harden, but face the emotion of why you're feeling that way head on. Work through it. Live it. And then let it go. Xoxo