It's Not You.... Really!

I become downright paralyzed at the thought of confrontation. And unfortunately, most things feel like confrontation! Not because there is any indication of it; it's just that I am scared to death of hurting your feelings. I've spent most of my life doing things with/for other people that I didn't want to do, or came at such an inconvenient time, but fearing rejection and confrontation, I did them anyway. (And don't get me wrong, most of the time it's things I do want to do!).

Now I know better; at least, I'm learning. Years of not knowing it was social anxiety I was dealing with, I would hide in my bedroom or the bathtub, desperate to escape and recharge. Only once in my life was it so severe that I had the constant contemplation of running away for a few weeks.

I've been blessed with a love of learning, and I will forever be grateful for all the knowledge I've been blessed to stumble upon in the last two years. It has been eye opening and sometimes painful. But also liberating! I feel that the window I always gazed out of has transformed into a door I can walk through.

And now I know it's not you.... It's me. I know I have to be honest, although I'm going to find the easiest way in the world to break it to you. Because I can't say no. But I have to. I need to. I can't do it all, and that doesn't make me less of a person either. It's not selfish to make sure my own cup is full before trying to fill another's. Because I can't share what I don't have.

So when the guilt sets in, don't let it set and harden, but face the emotion of why you're feeling that way head on. Work through it. Live it. And then let it go. Xoxo